i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
