There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
