i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
