And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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