he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
