Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
