If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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