You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
