No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
