you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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