Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
