just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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