Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
