Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
