i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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