Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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