6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My vagina is officially offended.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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