Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize