I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
