So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
