I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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