I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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