Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
