She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
