Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
