He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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