I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
