That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
