I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we should paint friendship bongs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
