if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we're making bets on your personal life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
