the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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