Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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