Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
