You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
