omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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