last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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