You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
