There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
