new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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