I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
