You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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