The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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