they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
