so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
