My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
