I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
