and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
