it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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