Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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