Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
