Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
do nipples grow back?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
