i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
