Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
