I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm both gender and math confused
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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