she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
