I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This baby is an asshole
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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