Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
