There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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