i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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