Banned from zoo.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.