I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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