I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.