she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.