I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
