I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
