So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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