He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
