My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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