either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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