very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
