I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NoShamevember. You game?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
