and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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